Pre-Game

So I started to get into this pre-game ritual before I would go out every night. I would smoke two bowls and take two shots of patron before I went out to a club and down another couple shots of patron if I could find a man to buy it for me (which was unlikely unless one of my other men was around) and sip on screwdrivers at a rate of 2/3 per hour. I am also very particular about drinking just patron and vodka orange, although sometimes someone will buy me a less than worthy vodka :-P and I always double-fist it with water. This, however, is the one time my food obsessions don't seem to bother me. When I am out and having a good time high and drunk I have no problem letting my body take in whatever it wants. Sometimes the only options are a turkey sandwich, tacos, pizza or spaghetti. But let's be honest, in my world of usually very limited food options this seems like a buffet. :-) And my body gets to decide what it wants that night and I will allow it to eat as much as it pleases. (Sometimes I re-convince myself that the diet where you only allow yourself to eat 4 hours out of the day, but as much as you please, is a good idea and I allow this to be the among the 4 hours).

This has since lessened, mostly due to the issues with the lungs and the financial hardships, well I've always been up against, but just now decided to start really facing and trying to do something about, and the fact that I would like to be a functioning human being at some point in my life. I don't know if this is possible for me Most days it seems like a pipe dream, so far out of my reach. But still I keep it in my heart.