Monday

I called in sick to my part time job again today. I haven't been there in a few months. I hate it, but haven't had the guts to officially quit yet. It's coming soon. When I call in I don't even accomplish anything. I spend most of the day in bed either sleeping or just laying around trying to stretch. Somedays the pain is just unbearable.

I haven't worked out in a couple months and I feel like a complete failure for it. It's tough because I feel like my body is starting to feel the effects of the malnourishment and I get injuries and sores much quicker now.  Even still, I am starting to get squishy around my tummy again and that is really freaking me out. I'm supposed to shoot my first national commercial in less than 3 weeks. :-0 I can't be squishy!!! I'm also supposed to get blood tests for the doctors appointment coming up in a couple weeks and I don't know how to pull both of these things off without anyone finding out. Is there way I can eat well for a couple days take the test and then go back to restricting? I'm afraid of doing that, because every time I up my food intake, usually in social situations, and then try and go back down again it's so much harder and more painful so I don't want to. But I don't want the doctor to know. I don't think she'll give me the pain meds and birth control I need without them though. :-( Grrrr.

I need to start working on this problem asap, so I'm going to go smoke a bowl and find the Cindy Whitmarsh episodes on Exercise Tv again. That's what started all of this... I get P90X back this week and then I can start in hard core!!! I can't wait to be ripped.